I want to walk on stilts...naked
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
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Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize