So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
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you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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