I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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