I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize