Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize