Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
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There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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