If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
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Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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