so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Houston, we have a blender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize