Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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