pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize