just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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