My first STD was from a foam party
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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