I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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