I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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