Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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