I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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