my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
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oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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