Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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