yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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