omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I need to calm my uterus...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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