last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize