if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i don't like sucking hair
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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