if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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