She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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