I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize