I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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