I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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