I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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