i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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