The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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