Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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