in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize