is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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