woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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