Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize