so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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