MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
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Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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