3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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