I cannot find my penis.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize