I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
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She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
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I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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