Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize