I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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