I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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