I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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