wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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