dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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