she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I came so hard my ears popped.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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