Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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