Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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