Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize